Life is like
by Loz06
Summary: CJLeo Small sections of life over the course of a couple of years
1. Life is like Weddings

Title: Life is like…

Author: Loz 

E-Mail: loz06@yahoo.com

Rating: PG

Category: CJ/Leo…sprinkling of others

Series: Life is like…Weddings; Comfort; Rejections; Announcements; Moving on; Decisions; Love.

Spoilers: None

Archive (if applicable): The National Library http://westwingstories.com/library, also FF.net

Feedback: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated. 

Summary: Small sections of life over the course of a couple of years

Author's Notes: -

Disclaimers: Life is like me not owning anyone you read here.

*

CJ doesn't know what she's doing here, she feels uncomfortable and out of place despite the fact her administration friends surround her. She has the strongest desire to walk out.

But she doesn't.

He had to choose Christmas Eve didn't he.

That's how it got started for them, she had innocently come over to cook him a Christmas meal the year after he split from his first wife. She spent the next three years eating meals with him.

On the fourth Christmas Eve they had had a fight. She wanted to go back to California to work and he had wanted to stay on the East Coast.

A compromise couldn't be reached and she'd packed her bags and left before the New Year. They hadn't spoken since and that was 2 years ago.

A month ago she got the invitation in the mail

She told herself she was adult enough to be able to go, to cope with watching him marry someone else and devote the rest of his life to her, and wish them well in their new life. She wasn't convincing enough.

Her name was Mary Smith and CJ knew literally nothing about her, not that she wanted to. Less was more, or she might be inclined to measure herself next to the woman who stood where CJ had seen herself, one day in the future. Not that she liked to say it out loud to often, having missed her chance.

"What's up with you?" Toby elbows her in her left side...again, after hours on the plane fighting over the armrest.

"I left the tag on my dress, it's sticking into me." It couldn't be farther from the truth, but it's enough to convince Toby.

"What's wrong with you, you earn eight hundred thousand dollars a year." he says incredulously and CJ rolls her eyes because the fact she now earns more money than he seems to be a sore point for him.

"I didn't know if I'd like the color on me." She snaps, what a joke the dress is navy blue. A red head can't go wrong in a navy dress but Toby doesn't know that. He should, he's married to one. Based on the last twenty-four hours CJ could swear it's Toby in his third trimester, not Ginger who is grounded till she gives birth.

Her stomach does summersaults as Leo comes out from a side door and stands in front of the priest; he's wearing the tan colored suit she loves him in so much.

While he waits he scans the faces in the pews, searching for her she's sure. In a useless attempt to hide herself she bows her head and when everyone stands to watch the bride come down the aisle CJ remains seated and hidden, not to mention grateful.

When the bride passes her, CJ gets the strangest feeling of conflict from the woman, as if only half of her is traveling down the aisle towards Leo. CJ shakes it off, putting it down to her imagination and the fact that because she can't be with him, she doesn't want anyone else to have him either. If she can't be happy, how dare he.

Toby knows in 2 years since they split, CJ has only half-heartedly been seeing men, as if she were gay and keeping up appearances.

The people in front of her sit down and he clasps eyes on her, letting them linger a little to long. It's convenient the stare can be misconstrued as him watching his wife to be as she takes her last steps up the aisle.

It is CJ who breaks off the stare between them.

She holds her breath as the 'speak now or forever hold your piece' part comes up. It's now she's supposed to stand up in front of the entire congregation and confess she still loves him, he's the only man for her, that he still harbors feelings for her and she should be the one up there under the veil, except that she's adult enough not to do that. Still she feels Toby's eyes coolly watching her for any signs of irrationality.

"I'm not going to do anything." She hisses.

"Good." He says levelly.

In the end she doesn't have to do anything, the gods are working in her favor.

In full view of everyone the bride leans in to speak into his ear. She can't read Leo's reaction for Mary's face but when she pulls back he seems to be in a melancholy of mixed emotions.

A murmur erupts through the church as they continue to converse with one another for a couple of minutes, CJ becomes increasingly uncomfortable hoping her name isn't flying around up there. When they're done they exchange kisses on the cheek and she walks back down the aisle, without him.

Leo shakes the hand of the priest as if thanking them and then speaks to ex-President Bartlet in his capacity as best man. CJ watches Leo disappear through the door he entered.

A couple of moments later Jed Bartlet announces there isn't going to be a wedding.

~*~

Is this a reception CJ wonders, there's no speeches, no first dance of the newlyweds, no throwing of the brides bouquet. There's not even a bride and groom. It's just a whole heap of people drinking and dining on someone else's tab, celebrating something that didn't happen.

As the rumors start to circulate on what actually happened at the altar, CJ puts down her champagne and heads to the elevators and up to her room.

She rides in silence up to the sixth floor looking down at her toes, the elevator pings announcing it's reached her floor and she looks up as the doors open.

He's standing outside her door, waiting for her to get off the elevator.

CJ panics pressing the button to shut the doors again, but he's already seen her.

She presses every button between 7 and 21, which is the roof then crumbles, crouching in the corner of the elevator.

Between 8 and 12 she considers getting another room, 12 and 17 going to another hotel, 17 and 20 flying home tonight. She steps out at the roof realizing how ridiculous all the ideas were. What is she afraid of she questions, is she afraid of him or what she might say? CJ adjusts her dress and presses the elevator down button when it arrives she presses 6 with renewed confidence.

Not surprisingly he's still there.

"Hi." He says softly.

"Hi." She replies unlocking her door avoiding his eyes. They stand in silence for a few moments.

"Would you like to come in?" she asks precluding it with a large grab for air.

He nods in the affirmative.

"Drink?" she opens the mini bar.

"Please." She grabs two Diet Cokes.

"Five hundred people downstairs getting pissed and eating like Kings and Queens on me and you hand me a Diet Coke." He says ironically.

CJ holds out the real thing.

"There are some interesting theories going around downstairs about what went on today."

"Let 'em talk, you're the only one who needs to know the truth."

"What is the truth?" CJ sits in a single chair across from him, kicking off her shoes.

"The truth is she left me, but unbeknownst to her, I left her too."

"Ok."

"What a time not to drink." He says ironically.

"It's probably best you don't."

"Her ex-husband rang today, out of the blue after five years, wanted to wish her luck, but wanted to let her know he'd have her back at anytime to give it another go."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, he always had a stronger pull on her than I did. Her first love, married for thirty five years, father of her children, what could I stack against that."

"Still his timing sucked."

"Not from his perspective."

"I guess anytime became sooner rather than later."

"It was the best thing to happen."

"So what do you want to do now?"

"Give my honeymoon to Jed and Abbey and go back to work on Monday."

"Your wedding and everyone else is reaping the benefits."

A long silence passes between them filled only by the swish of Coke in their cans.

"CJ you and I…" he starts.

"Don't Leo."

"Don't what?"

"Don't sat whatever you were about to say, I can't do this not here, not tonight, I fly home tomorrow and you've just walked away from an engagement at the alter."

"I'm sorry."

"That's Ok."

"I should go downstairs." He stands from his chair, empty can in hand.

"Goodnight." She whispers hoarsely.

He puts the can on the table next to her chair and brushes his lips across her cheek, lingering a little too long for friendship. He moves his face till he's looking straight at her and before either realizes it; they're swapping soft sweet kisses.

Everything that is familiar about each other comes flooding back to them.

~*~


	2. Life is like Comfort

CJ wakes up spooned around him in the morning feeling unbalanced. They made love like they had so many times before except better, it was like coming home. Everything about him is just as she remembers; her body and brain remember every inch of him. The sweet spots that make him squirm and the sensitive ones that make him moan and turn to putty in her hands. So many times in the past he would relinquish total control to her and it would turn her on almost as much as him the way she could give him pleasure.

But she can't shake the moral grip that she's not the woman he's supposed to waking up to or going to bed with. Neither is she naive enough to think that a time together like last night was likely to solve anything, most likely make it worse.

She pulls on the clothes she wore over on the plane the day before yesterday, pushing aside the warm stirrings in her body as she watches his naked form sleep and quickly packs her bag, which almost passes as carry on.

She looks over him sleeping peacefully; knowing when he wakes up he'll have to once again deal with life, periods of unconsciousness minor reprieves from reality. And owing to last night he'll have something else on her mind.

Without regret she closes the door behind her, leaving a note that says little beyond goodbye and she hopes he works things out, on her pillow.

~*~

"Cregg room 606." She hands the desk assistant her keys and then remembers Leo.

"Ahhh Mr McGarry…." CJ realizes she ordered drinks from the attendant at the reception last night and with his name on the announcement board out front of the ballroom, he's going to put two and two together. "… Is still asleep, could you give him a wake up call in 15 minutes. It's Ok if he just shuts the door behind him?"

"Yes ma'am." She's not going to stay her again; he probably thinks she rented the room by the hour last night, some sort of high cost entertainment for the wedding guests. Regardless she signs the bill and pockets the complimentary pen, her flight is in one hour and she doesn't have time to dwell.

"Thank you."

"Messages Ms Cregg." He calls as she rushes from the desk, holding out a few white pieces of paper stamped with the hotel logo."

"Thank you."

Outside CJ gets into a cab and directs the driver to take her to the airport as she flicks through the messages.

Work, work, work, Toby…

                        You slept with him didn't you?

The man is more woman than he'd care to admit sometimes.

~*~


	3. Life is like Rejections

Back in California CJ throws herself into work and gets past him, or that's what she tries to convince herself of. She even starts seeing someone from work on a semi-regular basis.

It only lasts 2 months.

Because 2 months later she comes home from work late one night to find him waiting for her outside her front door. There's no closing elevator doors this time and gathering her courage on the rooftop. Two large suitcases surround him and it's a fair bet this isn't just a stop over on the way to business in Tokyo.

"Leo…I…what are you doing here?"

"Can we go inside and talk?"

Inside he looks out her bay windows and across into the neighboring suburbs as she rummages through her fridge looking for something to drink.

She hands him a Coke and Diet for herself.

"I remembered you liked the hard stuff." She jokes and sits on her lounge waiting to hear what he has to say, thinking she knows exactly what he's going to say, already.

"I want you and I to get back together, to give us another go." She'd predicted this was what he was going to say. "I quit my job and came out here to be with you." the first half she can handle, but the second is to much and she almost wants to say yes just because he's sacrificed so much to do this.

She hates cruel to be kind.

"Go back to Washington." She says looking down at her skirt, smoothing it across her legs and not finding the ability to meet his eyes. She knows the hurt will flush across his face, she knows it all to well, it'll be the same she saw the day she left him before New Years and then she almost caved in.

"CJ." There's an element of pleading in her voice.

"Go back to Washington Leo and ask for your job back or get another."

"What the hell?" his voice tainted with anger, and disappointment as if it were an offer to good to be refused.

"Leo when the merry-go-round that was our life broke we didn't try and fix it, we hopped off and abandoned it. Times passed, it's still broken." Her voice betrays her attempt to sound confident and in control.

"You and I got on other merry-go-rounds, they broke too."

"And we abandoned them as well, our record doesn't speak highly of us."

"People learn from their mistakes."

"If that were true we'd both be married by now, or at least in stable relationships."

"What are you afraid of, that we might be able to salvage something, that we might be able to fix this? That you gave up prematurely? Whatever it is doesn't matter."

"No I'm afraid of the bigger merry-go-round, the roller coaster. The one where we're together, then we hurt each other, then one of us leaves and a couple of years later the other gets married and then they don't. But they show up begging to be taken back sound familiar?"

"It won't be like that."

"It already has been Leo, go back to Washington." CJ gets up and leaves for the kitchen.

A couple of minutes later as he's leaving, bags in hand, he stops in the kitchen as she inaudibly screams at him to get out of her house, while fussing at nothing in an attempt to stay distracted.

"I wanted to tell you before I go that I wish you luck and I wanted to let you know I'll have you back at anytime to give it another go." the choking drawn breath doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"Goodbye Leo." she manages to compose.

When the door clicks she throws back her head, tears springing in her eyes. She picks up the phone punching the speed dial number one.

"Hello you've reached Toby Ziegler you know how this works."

"I know you gave him my address Toby and I know yours, you won't get away with this, you can run but you can't hide." She says gathering all her anger but it's no match for the tears that rain down her face. She slides down her kitchen cupboard door till her tailbone hits the floor, sobbing down the phone line to his machine.

"Damn you." she whispers before she hears him pick up the phone and turn off the machine. She hurls the cordless phone across the room at the fridge before he has a chance to tell her he's home; it shatters into 3 pieces before hitting the lino.

~*~

We're sending you to New York CJ." Miriam Jones tells CJ the following month at work.

"For how long?"

"Indefinitely."

"You're sending me to do Broadway?" CJ comes back incredulously.

"You have good East Coast contacts CJ."

"I have better West Coast."

"Not anymore."

"Who?"

"Carley Irwin."

"She's still wet behind the ears." CJ splutters in disbelief. Carley Irwin is tall; blonde with Pamela Anderson proportioned breasts. She'd be lucky to be 25 and CJ swears someone paid for her degree, the girl couldn't put two and two together to make four. As for organizing parties, she couldn't rally kindergarten kids to a fairy bread gathering.

"She's got contacts."

"You mean her father does." The snide in her voice obvious, CJ not caring for the consequences.

"That doesn't matter."

"When do I go?"

"We'll move you Friday."

~*~

"I'm going back to New York." She tells Toby over her drink later that night.

"Fired." He guesses and she thinks that deserves some serious physical pain for that being his first guess.

"No, I'm doing Broadway," She says glumly swirling the green cocktail. "It's where they send people to retire." She informs him pertly.

"Under what pretense are you being sent?" CJ can see his legal mind at work.

"I have good East Coast contacts." She's not sure if she's grateful for the sympathy his eyes convey or if she should be offended, his implication that she's passed it in her profession already, he expected this...but he's still sorry.

"Doesn't matter, once I'm there I'm going to put out some feelers, see if anyone's interested." She forces herself to be upbeat.

"I still don't know why you went back to Hollywood CJ." he sighs.

"Eight hundred thousand a year Toby, might not be the most intellectually fulfilling work, but it can provide some financial security. I just forgot the part where you have to be no older than 25, blonde and have a father with excellent contacts."

"You are shallow, always about the money." He grins good-naturedly.

"For that you're paying to get me drunk tonight and I mean stomach pumping drunk."

"And the other?" he says referring to his passing on her address to a past member of the Bartlet administration.

"We'll negotiate on that."

"Done."

"You should come to New York with me." she says from nowhere, remembering it's not old times anymore; he has a wife and family.

"Something tells me you'll have male company once you get there, three's a crowd CJ." he leans across the table placing a hand over hers and for a moment CJ almost believes him, that's how certain he sounded.

"You have no idea how to negotiate do you? Another round please barman." She slides her empty glass across him.

~*~


	4. Life is like Announcements

Within a week of being in New York she hates her work, within three weeks she's desperately putting out feelers. After four weeks she's getting lukewarm responses and some average job ideas. It's during the fifth week she sees him…and he's not alone.

CJ watches as he leads her to their seats and they examine their programs. He looks good, dressed for opening night and he's smiling. But she's pulled back to the same emotions experienced when she opened the wedding invitation the day it came in the mail. She'd thrown it in the bin immediately but committed the date to memory, and on the day of RSVP she'd left it up to her assistant.

She still can't seem to kick the funk that if she can't be with him and someone else is, she falls apart. 

The word jealousy screams through her head, a trait no one wants to see in themselves. CJ attributes it to something else, something she can't admit to herself just yet.

Pulling the curtain back across she forces herself to go back to worrying about opening night.

3 hours later CJ finds herself standing in the foyer area drinking from the bar, unemployed by her own hand.

From the bar with eagle eyes she watches them work the room and when his date heads towards the bar CJ corners her.

"CJ Cregg, I'm doing the PR." She offers her free hand. "I noticed you're with Leo McGarry tonight, I'd love to see him come to more of our projects, always helps to have a man of his standing at these things. Do you happen to know where I can get in contact with him, so that I might make an appointment?" all this under the guise that she still does PR for this show.

"He's staying at the Hyatt I believe." The woman says crisply and CJ takes an instant disliking, mostly on the superficial point that the woman seems to have been blessed with unattainably perfect genes.

"Thank you so much…"

"Marissa."

"Nice to meet you Marissa." CJ disappears hastily, forgetting her drink and takes the first cab she can to the Hyatt.

~*~

"Leo McGarry's room please." CJ tells the night clerk drumming her fingers on the marble counter.

"And you are." he asks snootily as if CJ expects him to instantly recognize who she is.

"CJ Cregg, we worked together during the Bartlet Administration he was Chief of Staff I was…"

"Room 302 Ms Cregg, would you like me to ring ahead and tell him you're coming up?"

"No thanks, I'd kinda like to surprise him."

On her way up in the elevator CJ realizes she has no idea what she is doing here or what she is going to do when he steps off the elevator with Marissa.

CJ nearly doesn't get off the elevator, she holds the doors open on his floor, staring at the door to his room, she considers going all the way to the roof.

Instead she sits outside his door and waits.

~*~

He gets off the elevator alone to her surprise.

"I was surprised to see you tonight." He says echoing her earlier sediments. "I didn't know you were working out here." The elevator doors close behind him, almost on him.

"I don't anymore I quit."

"Marissa told me you bailed her up at the bar."

"I didn't mean to cut your evening short." CJ apologizes standing up.

"She's Mallory's best friend, it's not like that."

"Oh." CJ attempts to mask her relief.

"I know it probably didn't look that way."

"No I… huh, I don't even know what I'm doing here."

"You think I did the other times." He smiles.

"I don't think I took the time to ask." CJ says regretfully.

"Whatever this conversation is going to be, we're not having it out here." He unlocks room 302 and ushers her in.

~*~

CJ makes herself comfortable in a chair as he hands her a scotch and opens a ginger ale for himself.

"I don't…"

"Drink in my presence." He finishes for her.

"Yes." CJ nods.

"I poured it CJ, I'm not going to have a problem watching you drink it, besides I figured you might need it since I came home to find you waiting for me this time."

"Probably."

"So what are you doing here CJ?"

"I'm not sure, you should probably tell me to go back to L.A."

"Probably." He shifts in his chair.

"I did need this." She laughs tipping the empty glass in his direction and playing avoidance.

"Just don't let it ever by more than one of two when you're down." the voice of experience says.

"Why didn't we work out?" she reflects out loud to him and she thinks this is perhaps what she came to say.

"We did for a while, we worked real good and then we we're both unwilling to compromise... or something."

"Perhaps we were never meant to fix the merry-go-round."

"I think we were." He stands and paces across the room. "Just not back then. I still believe it was right for us to part, you had things you wanted to do and so did I."

"And now?"

"You're unemployed and so am I."

"We can ride the plastic horses again till we get jobs on opposite sides of the country."

"I'm hanging up my suits and ties CJ. I'm getting out of the game, well not entirely, I'm staying here so I can at least feel like I'm in the thick of it."

"Did you plan this?" CJ immediately becomes suspicious, twisting her brain around possibilities.

"How could I know you were going to quit your job?"

"I suppose." She concedes.

"What do you say?"

"I got an offer in Chicago I think I'm going to take."

"With the Governor?"

"No William Burton, he's making noises about running for President in the next election." There's something in this, but Leo can't quite place it.

"I'll come with you."

"No Leo." It's a little too forceful.

"Why not?"

"Because it's not a compromise, it's you following me, I still have places to go and I can't ask you to follow me."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't."

"That's not a very good reason CJ."

"That's the only one you need Leo."

"Ok, so what's the real one?"

"William Burton has been in town for 6 weeks…"

"You've been seeing each other." It all falls into place for him now.

"Yes." There's an element of relief about getting that out in the open.

"There was something about your use of past tense when you said why didn't we work out."

"I should go."

"Yeah I think you should." He stares out the hotel window across the darkened sky, disconnecting, just as she had when he had come to her place in L.A.

When CJ gets back to her place there's a message on her answering machine from Toby, are you two back together yet? He asks.

She punches the erase button annoyed he would presume it was as easy as a few simply words.

~*~


	5. Life is like Moving on

A year and a half later he sees the engagement announcement on a late night entertainment program somewhere, he can't remember which one, but he's not surprised Burton had made it on. Reminiscent of the late JFK Jr the program calls him, marrying his life long love. JFK Jr style but without the substance Leo thinks bitterly to himself. He laughs mockingly at the media talk up; CJ could just as easily be called his life long love, as she is Burton's, both have known her for such a short period of time in their lives.

He circles the date on the calendar, the 26th of September, the same date he last saw her in New York. Burton is making waves and it looked like he had a good chance. CJ is heading back to the White House, this time in the capacity of First Lady.

He knows he won't get an invitation, but he books a flight to Chicago anyway for the day previous.

It's just as CJ had said, roller coaster.

He wants to go and wish her good luck, to tell her he'll have her back at anytime to give it another chance. 

If he doesn't he's sure he'll regret it.

She might not be his first love, the mother of his children or his wife of 35 years, but she has a strong pull on him.

~*~

"CJ you have a phone call." William's sister Anita hands her the handset, as the 25th pin is jammed into CJ's head. It's a good thing there are no metal detectors on the way to the church or reception CJ winces.

Who is it?" CJ places her finger over the mouthpiece.

"A guy who says he wants to wish you good luck."

CJ puts the phone to her ear ready to give Toby Ziegler an earful.

"If you think a phone call while I'm getting my hair done is going to make up for you not coming, you are sorely mistaken."

"Well I didn't get an invitation so I thought I'd wish you good luck and tell you I'll have you back anytime to give it another go." Leo presses the end button on his phone having said what he wanted to and not wanting to give CJ a chance to come back.

"Thank you." CJ says to the dial tone and hands the phone back to Anita.

"Who was that?" she asks.

"An old friend." CJ whispers.

~*~


	6. Life is like Decisions

He sits outside the church, he's been here for 45 minutes, he made his call to her from here and he'll wait as long as it takes for her to arrive.

It's only 10 minutes before the first guests arrive, another 10 before the groom arrives and another 20 before CJ pulls up.

Leo stands on the sidewalk down from the church watching her get out of the car, her bridesmaids assisting with her billowing dress. She doesn't miss seeing him.

Her bridesmaids look his way as she talks to them and they scurry like good little servants to usher the last of the smoking guests inside, closing them behind her. Now they're alone.

"What are you doing here?" she hisses walking towards him.

"I wanted to tell you something."

"Didn't you already say enough on the phone?"

"I wanted to tell you I love you and I always will, and you may not be the first love of my life, or the mother of my children, but you have a very strong pull on me."

"Don't do this Leo, I'm marrying William." Her voice warns

"Fine well I'm coming in and I'll sit in a pew and when the priest asks if there be any reason why this man and woman shouldn't be joined in holy matrimony. I'm also going to stand up and tell everyone our history, history we should still be writing."

"Don't do this Leo." She repeats wanting to bring up that she didn't cause trouble at his failed wedding.

"When I wanted to follow you here you said I'd be doing just that, following you. CJ what do you think you're going to be doing for the next 4 to 8 years. Jesus. CJ you could be running Presidential campaigns. Hell you could BE the President. Is this really one of the places you had in mind to go to?"

"Yes." CJ says maintaining her strong outer resolve.

"You're just a good accessory on his arm CJ, a trophy wife, he doesn't love you." The comment earns him a stinging slap across his cheek.

"You wouldn't know." She spits venomously. "Come and watch me marry him Leo and you can come in and embarrass yourself as the jealous ex in front of my family and his."

"I don't think I want to go in and watch you end your life."

"I can't believe I ever loved you." CJ starts to cry, turning her heels and running back towards the church gates.

Leo watches sadly as she disappears inside the church and the pipes rise to play the wedding march.

As he walks down the street away from the church it sinks in that it's all over, he's lost his chance and he curses himself for not doing everything in his power long before now.

With his back turned Leo doesn't see the church doors burst open or the bride in white run through them, he doesn't hear the music stop when she turned around halfway down the aisle.

He doesn't see her get into the car parked out the front and tell the driver to get her the hell out of here.

~*~


	7. Life is like Love

The elevator pings as Leo puts the key in his hotel room lock later that same evening. He thinks it's that obnoxiously drunken couple he passed downstairs.

Love and happiness he doesn't want to see right now, so he pays no notice opening his door and flicking it closed behind him.

God he wants a drink right now.

Times like this are a real test.

The door doesn't shut behind him, someone catches it and let's themselves in, slamming it after him or her, harder than it would if it had have shut as he pushed it.

"You've got to stop doing this Leo." CJ's voice is level, but iced with emotion.

"Doing what?" he hides his surprise at seeing her here and hides his delight at no wedding band.

"Showing up and screwing up my life."

"You didn't marry him did you?"

"No, I left the man who is probably going to be the next President of this country, standing a the alter, I only made it halfway down the aisle."

"He wasn't the real thing CJ."

"Well no one supposes for a moment he could possibly measure up to Jed Bartlet."

"I meant it wasn't the real thing CJ."

"How could you possibly know?" She says icily.

"Did you look back when you ran from the church CJ?"

Silence.

"Did he run after you, try and stop you?"

Silence.

"Has he tried to contact you or called you to find out what went wrong, to try and fix the merry-go-round?"

Silence.

"Whose hotel room are you in right now!" Leo yells. "I didn't think so." He returns to normal tone after making his point.

"That makes him no better or worse than you." CJ bites back.

"CJ I showed up after my wedding, in California and at your wedding. I probably haven't done everything I could do, but then I don't like to come on too strong or play dirty."

"I need a drink." He pulls a Coke from the mini bar.

"You need to keep a clear head tonight." He gestures to an empty seat, which she takes.

"You meant what you said about me leading a campaign?"

"Of course."

"Sam is going for governor of California."

"I heard that, he wanted me to come on board."

"What happened, why did you say no?" CJ asks confused.

"You."

"Me?"

"He wants you too and I didn't know if we could do it together, so I thought he should have you over me. Of course this was before Burton."

"And now?"

"The offer still stands for both of us."

They sit in silence for a couple of moment, sipping at their drinks in the semi darkness. CJ's brain whirrs with thousands of thoughts and possibilities that she can't distinguish one from the other. There are too many heightened emotions and decisions to make for the future.

"CJ my cards are on the table, they've been there quite a while, I need to know…"

"If I'm going to wipe them off the table again." She finishes his sentence.

"Yeah."

"Your faith in my ability scares me Leo." What may appear to be a change of subject, avoidance of an answer was actually CJ moving to a conversation they should have had almost 4 years ago.

"I'm sorry?" he replies confused.

"When I wanted to go back to the West Coast and to Hollywood and you told me that I was above all that. Well I knew it was true, I know it's below me but I take some security in knowing this, that there's something I can do with my eyes closed. For you to be so strongly in support of me in the political arena, alone, possibly leading something myself scared me because I started to believe I could."

"You can."

"I was so mad when I left, probably mad at myself for not trusting you and taking on the challenge, for heading back to the easy option. I owe you so much Leo, you bought me on board with Bartlet, my graduation day."

"I knew you could, otherwise I wouldn't have sent Toby for you."

"You have so much faith in me, even after my mistakes."

"What are you afraid of about us?" She pauses as if gathering thoughts; she realizes he probably knows all these things to be true.

"I don't know, perhaps that it would be all too perfect, things would end up as I hoped and then one day I would disappoint you and it would all come crashing down, let down that faith, stuff up somewhere."

"We all stuff up CJ, I know that better than most, none of us are immune."

"I know."

"You could never disappoint me."

"Not even in light of recent events." CJ says about her failed trip up the aisle.

"Never." He lifts out of his chair and pulls her tight into embrace. He takes the liberty to smell her hair and run his hands over her back in a comforting way. He relishes those few moments of closeness he is granted.

"I should go." She says over his shoulder and he feels a slight twinge, part of him had hoped she'd stay longer; they'd done some good mending tonight.

"You should." He says letting her out of his embrace and masking his disappointment.

~*~

He stands next to her while the elevator makes it way up to their floor.

She gets in and presses the down button.

"I'll call you." She says before disappearing behind the closing doors.

Leo sighs and heads back to his room at the end of the hallway. A few seconds later behind him, the elevator pings and he hears the noisy drunken couple get off and go into their first room.

He pays them no attention what so ever.

"Come with me to California." An emotional voice says almost unrecognizable.

"Don't follow me, come because you want to help out with Sam." He can hear the voice is getting closer.

"It's a place I had in mind to go." Leo turns to see her tear streaked face and bottom lip being bitten.

"I love you and I always will, you're the first love of my life and I want you to be the father of my children and I never want you to release your hold one me." His face starts to crumble, emotional strain from her words, tears popping past the gates.

"Will you have me back?"

"Yes." He smiles till it aches, deteriorating into tears.

They move quickly to meet, pulling each other into a watertight embrace.

CJ moves her head from his tear soaked shoulder capturing her lips on his in the sweetest of reunion kisses.

"I love you."

"We'll fix it." She whispers to him.


End file.
